TheDemon

Here is the story. I have had the nickname 'Demon' since i was very small. I was very spoiled, always got what i wanted and didn't really care about anyone or thing but myself.

From the time of about 13-26 i was evil to my family. I know we were all bad to a point i was stupid bad. My ex-boyfriend started calling me AshDemon when we broke up and towards the end of our relationship. It kinda stuck.

Lately since i have moved to a new town few people know about that nickname. Now in OKC I'm known as AshDemon. Here and for the past 5 yrs its been AshD or Ash. I have been wondering why this keeps popping up.?

I was thinking it was because of all the bad shit that i use to do. I don't think so anymore. I think it has something to do with the way that I do the things that you know you shouldn't do but would regret if you didn't? if that makes any since.

I just think that the demon could be a good demon. One thing that triggered this is when i was at my yoga teachers house her boyfriend put the word 'demon' on my picture on the fridge. Everyone else had words to and I don't know if she told him about my past but anyhow i thought "geez I'm never going to get this name away."

I know through yoga and meditation im a better person i ever was before. I only want to get better too. but there comes a point when i just need to be me too. THere has to be a balance between the yogi and the demon.

I'm going to embrace the demon though. Know I'm the girl you call when you want to do some thing you shouldn't but really want to anyhow. But also the girl tht you can trust to be there if you need something serious. I love my family, friends, and teachers.

Sometimes i miss the old me.. But I LOVE the new me. I'm happy most of the time. I will embrace the Demon when she presents her self.. and be OK with it.. Not think I'm a bad person cause people see this in me.

PS.. or side note to all this.. on the yoga retreat I met a Mexican woman that called me El Diabla. Never met her before ever. she just saw it. freaked me out then too..

xoxo

AshD

why all at the same time.?

Well this has been one hell of a summer so far. Im glad that its almost over. Time to go back to Cali and do something different for a while. Life has been throwing me some crazy curveballs here lately though. Things that I didnt think I was ready for somehow I now know I am.

One thing for sure was my dad. I knew he wasnt doing well. Growing up in a small town people always seem to know your business. I knew that he had, had a few heartattacks and that he wasnt doing good. Me being hard headed, I didnt wnat to pick up the phone and make the call. It was his turn this time. He did last friday. I was very upset at frist always assuming the worst. So I went to see him to put aside our differences. Regaurdless of our past I dont want to not be there for him when he needs me.

This has been diffucult to juggle and explain to my mom. O well. I know that I have to do what I need to do to make this better for me.

Im thinking that this maybe my lesson in forgiveness. Its hard to be mad at someone when they cnat change the past. Im taking this as my cue to do what I think is best. I have been sitting and meditating about it. I know i cant be angry cause thats just lost energy.

I know that thru my pratice and meditation all well be fine. Life just has to run its course.

xoxo
AshD